Fourth Hire Jobless Communists, Reality Shed’s Emergency Guide For Getting An Alt-Far-Left TV ‘News’ Network Commenced

You’ve got this great idea to cater to the left wing market for news and you’ve conveniently never heard of FakeNewsCNN (which firing Brian ‘POE-TAE-TOE’ Stelter won’t fix if you don’t fire the rest too, Discovery) or PMSDNC (AKA MSNBC) but you just can’t figure out how to get started. Well we in the shed have your back. Well not literally as we can’t stand you, but we do have a plan you can follow and it isn’t even mostly ours.

Imagine you are Rockstar. No not the video game company, the energy drink maker. That isn’t it? Okay imagine you are Onstar, the car service. Still not the one? Oh Nexstar, the media group! Okay, them. So you are Nexstar and you’ve actually just completed step 7 of 9. Let’s review the process.

You’ve already done the easy steps like having an agenda and a boatload of money, buying ‘superstation’ WGN (in 2019) and changing its name to WGN America, then buying up smaller left wing ‘news’ properties (such as TheShill, AKA The Hill, and also weirdly 75% of the CW) to merge with WGN America. Then you hired lefties to fully staff your behemoth’s ‘news’ team with true believers…in your agenda…which again is communism. You even hired an imported one (Canadian commie Ashleigh ‘rat’ Banfield was brought in January 2021), followed by known leftist legal thug Dan ‘weasel’ Abrams (who joined in July 2021).

That brings you to pretending you aren’t what you really are, which means leftism couched in reasonableness. So you make claims such as you are a “trusted source” and your “breaking news” is “delivered from the heartland” which is “where engaged citizens get news” and your news “represents the full range of perspectives across the country” and is a “source for unbiased U.S. news” that is “fact-based” and “America’s source for unbiased new” which obviously makes you “an unbiased national news cable network” filled with “veteran journalists” that still “draws on the local market, regional and national expertise” of “5,400 local journalists in 110 local newsrooms across the country”. What a load of bullshit.

Then since you thrive on shutting down alternate (AKA correct, patriotic, realistic, non-communist) points of view (so that only your message is heard) you remove* comment sections from your web sites and also push allegedly sound ideas such as taking untested death shots because they are good for you, or staying at home a year for safety, or that cloth is magical, or your kids are better off when the state makes decisions for them.

Now you change the name again and while the ‘news’ part is self evident (at least to strive for it), putting it first doesn’t make you better than anyone else doing ‘news’. The real problem though is calling yourself a ‘nation’ which is a bit grandiose. Better to start off as a territory or commonwealth or state, just like in reality you wouldn’t name yourself a skyscraper or mall or office building to start with.

We finally reach the current step, #7. In August 2022, they have hired CNN reject Chris ‘Fredo’ Cuomo who gets great ratings…when Trump is President AND it is an election year, but is morally a bottomless pit. They expect him to increase their primetime ratings (current average just 50,000 with 8,000 from the all-important 25-54 demographic advertisers covet, despite being a “national news and entertainment cable network reaching 75 million television households across the United States” which is roughly the same as Fox News Channel). CNN is worst of the ‘big three’ and does 762,000 and 190,000 in those, with MSNBC getting 1.2 million and 136,000, and #1 Fox News getting 2.4 million and 375,000 despite denying election theft and pushing the same lockdowns, masks and distancing the communists did.

Chris was fired in December 2021 after a law firm hired by CNN investigated his activities relating to conversations he had with his disgraced former New York Governor Andrew’s legal team. Andrews had been credibly accused of sexual harassment my many women. He had told his brother to stand his ground and not resign, which is the opposite advice he gives to victims of criminals (like his brother) and terrorists (like BLM and ANTIFA). He also told his brother to push back on cancel culture, despite canceling the culture of Americans regularly.

Cuomo says that “I’ve been jealous of you while I’ve been away watching. And I want to help. I want to find a way to help people. I’m going to come to NewsNation. And I want to build something special here. I want to work with Dan and work with the team here. They’ve got great people here who really hungry to make a difference in ways that I think matter. I have decided that I can’t go back to what people see as the big game. I don’t think I can make a difference there. I think we need insurgent media.” Yet some at ‘newsnation’ are angry Fredo is there and that they are being asked to stop promoting their own shows and only promote him.

Now you get low ratings, which is a given as nobody sane likes to be preached to or ridiculed and freedom is precious to real Americans. But you still call it a win as the left never admits they are wrong, it is always that communism just hasn’t been done properly yet.

You are there. You have finished all 9 steps and can bask in the glow, or whatever is generated by ‘green energy’. You:
1) have an agenda and a boatload of money
2) bought WGN and changed the name to WGN America
3) bought up a lot of smaller left wing ‘news’ properties to merge with WGN America
4) hired jobless communists
5) pretended to be unbiased but shut down commenting on your web sites
6) changed the name again to NewsNation
7) hired even more jobless communists
8) got low ratings
9) called it a win despite wasting money and not convincing anyone who wasn’t already a communist to become one

And staff can all stop worrying about Chris being the “big swinging dick”, because to those of us firmly entrenched in reality you are all big dicks. Congratulations!

*When Nexstar bought TheShill they removed the Disqus comment section, which honestly was a fucking pit of blackness and threats of death against Conservatives anyway, for which their ‘Mods’ feigned ignorance even when you pointed them right to the fucking message saying Republicans should all be lined up and shot in the head. Hopefully you ‘Mod’ fucks are now out of work.