We really do listen to you and read your comments, and we always consider your suggestions…before dismissing them. Unfortunately for you, no, we won’t be starting an OnlyFans account. Also, shame on those of you who want to see a scantily clad “10-year-old cartoon boy” researching and typing. THAT is a new kink!
As for the headline, it was a tossup between ‘ultimate’ and ‘perfect’, but in the end ‘ultimate’ was more better-er. Speaking of the end, this article is all about some leftist ass-hat suggesting that we do away with toilet paper (TP) and instead begin using leaves to wipe our butts with when we take a poop.
Translation into vulgarian: “using leaves to wipe our asses with when we take a shit”. We just want everyone to be happy, and appreciate our vulgarian minority readers. To that end, this article contains both toilet humor AND humor about toilets.
Are we actually taking one or leaving it? You don’t bring the crap with you when you exit the bathroom. Actually, since we are leaving it, then perhaps we should use leaves.
Back on topic, who are the dirtiest and most disgusting people on the planet?
democRATs. But you know that, even if you are one. And if you are one, what the fuck are you doing here? There is no hope for you. Any chance you had of saving your soul was lost when you stole the 2020 and 2022 elections.
Yes, you did.
The real question isn’t if we should continue to use TP, but rather what are we going to use when democRATs finish intentionally collapsing society?
This kind of nonsense from the alt-far-left isn’t new though. The globalists tried to create an artificial shortage of TP during the covid scamdemic of 2020 (aka that thing that enabled the first recent election theft).
This did get us thinking though. Perforated TP was patented in 1891, and we decided to learn about what people used before TP was invented.
The first known reference to TP was in 589AD by the Chinese scholar and official Yan Zhitui, who said, “Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from the Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes.”
In islam they are not allowed to eat with their left hand…because they wipe with that hand after crapping (via rroij.com). THIS is the reason we shake hands with the right hand! According to wikipedia.com, male muslims “…must also not wear any scent, including deodorant.”
Well, that stinks.
Here are some other solutions to this common shared problem…
“How did Romans wipe their bottoms? The Romans cleaned their behinds with sea sponges attached to a stick, and the gutter supplied clean flowing water to dip the sponges in. This soft, gentle tool was called a tersorium, which literally meant “a wiping thing.” The Romans liked to move their bowels in comfort.” –smithsonianmag.com
“What did Vikings use as toilet paper? The waterlogged areas of the excavation at Whithorn uncovered preserved ‘sheets’ of moss, which had been discarded. Closer analysis revealed them to be studded with fragments of hazel nut shells, and blackberry pips.” –futuremuseum.co.uk
“What was toilet paper in China? In the 6th century CE toilet paper was widely used in China. Historically the first modern toilet paper was made in 1391, when it was created for the needs of the Chinese Emperor family. Each sheet of toilet paper was even perfumed. That was toilet paper as we have come to think of it.” –toiletpaperhistory.net
“What did people use instead of toilet paper in the Middle Ages? Before toilet paper was even a concept, people just used whatever was available to wipe. This included items such as hay, wood shavings, corn cobs, and even iron cables.” –bimbamboopaper.com
“What Did We Use Before Toilet Paper? Leaves, sticks, moss, sand and water were common choices, depending on early humans’ environment. Once we developed agriculture, we had options like hay and corn husks. People who lived on islands or on the coast used shells and a scraping technique.” –cottonelle.com
“What did pirates use for toilet paper? Sailors used something called a ‘tow rag’. A tow rag was a long piece of frayed rope that dangled in the water. The ropes were tied to the part of the ship that was used as a toilet. After wiping, they would drop the rope back into the water and let the ocean do the clean-up.” –cottonelle.com
“What did [American Indians] use before toilet paper? Corn cobs. Dried corn cobs were plentiful in rural agrarian societies throughout history. From colonial Americans to ancient Mayans — the corncob worked by turning on its axis to clean the region (you get the picture). According to our official internet sources, some outhouses in western US states still use this method” –whogivesacrap.org
“What did pioneers use to wipe their bum? One of the more popular early American wiping objects was the dried corn cob. A variety of other objects were also used, including leaves, handfuls of straw, and seashells. As paper became more prominent and expendable, early Americans began using newspapers, catalogs, and magazines to wipe.” –pristinesprays.com
“What did cowboys use for toilet paper? If the cowboys used the large velvety leaves of the mullein (Verbascum thapsus) plant while out on the range, then you can too! Mullein is a biennial plant available for use in almost every bioregion.” –hipcamp.com
“What was used for toilet paper in the 1800’s? Before the availability of mass produced toilet paper in the mid-1800s, humans had to resort to using what was free and available, even if it didn’t provide the most effective (or comfortable) results. Options included rocks, leaves, grass, moss, animal fur, corn cobs, coconut husks, sticks, sand, and sea shells.” –nicencleanwipes.com
“What was toilet paper like in the 1860s? The first commercially packaged toilet paper was made in 1857 by Joseph Gayetty. The paper was wet with aloe and had his name printed on every sheet. It was sold as a medical product, and claimed to prevent hemorrhoids.” –reddiplumbingwichita.com
“What did civil war soldiers use for toilet paper? There was generally no toilet paper available. Soldiers used sheets of newspaper, pages from catalogs, or water from a canteen to clean themselves.” –civilwartalk.com
Quite a lot of creative options there, but we will stick to TP and hope that it doesn’t stick to us.
But if push comes to shove, there is no shortage of leftists today, as colleges and government schools are designed to produce them, by taking perfectly normal human beings and brainwashing and gaslighting them into leftism.
So our very reasonable and comprehensive solution to this problem is obviously the proper path to take. And anyway, who gives a shit if the left doesn’t like it, as they’ve been crapping on us for decades now.
What started this off was Robin Greenfield, an allegedly grown adult male of 36, who likes to refer to himself as an “environmental activist”. Actually, so-called environmentalists are not environmentalists, they are environmental EXTREMISTS pushing a Marxist agenda. Nobody normal hates the environment! NOBODY!!
We ALL like clean water, and clean air, and also radiation as low as possible (seriously, if you dislike radiation, then Earth is the last place you want to be, since we are bombarded by solar radiation 24/7/365, as even if you are on the side not facing the Sun, solar radiation goes right through the planet, through you and out into space).
Greenfield claims we have an “environmental crisis”, but we really have a crisis of environmentalist wackos wanting us to be regressive while claiming they are progressive. Wanting us to live in boxes, while doing away with normal cars for EVs (HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE), and eliminating gas stoves are just three more examples of the left’s regressivism.
The plant (blue spur flower) that he suggests we use instead of the plant we already use (aka trees, which provide the pulp for all forms of paper as we know it) grows in just 11 States, so the other 39 States worth of us would just be…wait for it…totally worth it…almost there…shit out of luck.
Told you so.
Robin also failed to explain what would happen to Taco Bell in a TP-less society, as “mud-butt” is a real disease and they are a known cause.
We recently brought together a crack team of specialists, or was it a specialist team on crack, or even a team of crack specialists…anyway, we consulted with the best folks we could find: Hugh Jast, Richard Hertz, Nate Yuri and Irving Phillip Frehley (who claims to be a distant cousin of original ‘Kiss’ guitarist Paul Daniel ‘Ace’ Frehley, but we have our doubts).
Their solution was to stuff TP down the throat of the guy who suggested we stop using it, then wrap him in TP and put him up in a tree with the other nuts. They didn’t specify if the TP was to be unused or not, and we have no preference either.
Our solution is to dump Robin and his lame-ass idea in the toilet bowl of history and flush. Also, crack is whack.
This is the crappiest article we will probably ever write, and we really just want the globalist left to leave us alone. There is a time and place for communism, and it is called China.
Next we will turn our attention to another top request, figuring out how to go fuck ourselves. Sounds like fun, AND also quite a challenge. Stay tuned.
Parler is likely gone for good as of April 14, 2023. Twitter account abandoned May 12, 2023, after Elon Musk hired WEF’er Linda Yaccarino as new CEO.
NOTE: We post new content regularly, and have a Comment section here in the shed (below every article), so please use it and help build the Reality community. If you enjoy our work please consider supporting Reality by using the “DonorBox” donation link, or the ‘Buy Me a Coffee‘ donation link…or both. Either way please bookmark us and help spread the word to family and friends. Thank you.
'Beginning', by unknown, found online. Having already gotten our desired gift, Christmas will be magical this year!
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As of right now, President Donald John Trump (aka 92, because 45 + 47) appears to have the Electoral College votes (EV since it isn’t an actual college) needed to secure the 2024 Presidential election. After a much needed but entirely too brief nap, Wisconsin has been called by a reliable source, which puts Trump over the 270 needed (of 538 total).
This is after they tried to steal his businesses and property, throw him in prison and even (TWICE, that we know of…so far) kill him.
The unfinished earlier version of this story mentioned how some sources had already called the race, such as the completely unreliable and totally gutless Faux Snews (with Paul RINO Ryan running things, rather than the more than 7 years deceased Roger Ailes who would still do a better job), but at the time of that writing, Trump had just 248 of the 270 needed (and the 312 we predict he will end up winning).
The New York Times (aka New York Slimes) are alt-far-left-communists, but they have the absolute best election coverage, never calling too early or too late (and you know we like things ‘Just Right’ here), so we always have their auto-reloading page open on election night and into the wee hours of the next morning, while watching the “Real America’s Voice” streaming channel. At least until emergency nap time.
In addition, Trump was then ahead in: Michigan (15 EV) by 294,976 with 19% left to count, Wisconsin (10 EV) by 122,835 with 10% left, Nevada (6 EV) by 54,401 with 26% left, Arizona (11 EV) by 31,223 with 42% left, and Alaska (3 EV) by 27,994 with 45% to be counted, so he needed any ONE of those to put him past 270, and Alaska hasn’t voted democRAT for POTUS in 6 decades, which even their NEW ‘ranked-choice’ communism shouldn’t prevent, although that IS what it is intended to do.
Fun Fact: Any time democRATs alter how we vote, it is to make it more difficult or confusing, even if that isn’t how it appears at the time of introduction.
One person, one vote, on paper, in person, with valid state-issued ID AND signature matched. How hard is that?! And if we aren’t going to match signatures, as we didn’t during the 2020 election theft (yes, it was, stop being an election-theft denier), then why do the local board of elections (aka bored of elections) keep them on file…? Gotcha, leftists!
Anyway, Kamala (pronounced like Camel with an A at the end, because fuck her, figuratively) was ahead in only ONE state left to be called: Maine with a 51,099 lead and 29% left to be counted…for the 2 at-large EV left to be decided (Maine and Nebraska each have 2 at-large EV, plus 2 district EVs for Maine and 3 for Nebraska). So, basically, she had to win every EV left, while being very behind in almost all of them.
And since she was refusing to concede, by her own definition, that makes her an election denier. Gotcha again, leftists!
Just as President Trump came out to claim victory, pre-nap, they (NYT) finally called Pennsylvania, which added 19 Electoral College votes to his total, giving him 267 of the needed 270. That is when, despite coffee, we decided it was safe for some quick shut-eye.
Besides napping, just where have we been? Grieving. But we are back now. And they would have been SO happy with this outcome!
As good as the results are, democRATs and lamestream media (aka leftstream media, aka mainstream media[SIC]) have repeatedly told us, none of that matters. Most of all the nap.
Hey! If we’ve given you a giggle, or you’ve learned something you didn’t know, or you just want some cool talking points that you can use to torment that jackhole relative who ‘refuses to discuss politics’ but then leaves your TV on CNN when they depart, please consider donating. As much as we would like to say that the site pays for itself via ad money, the truth is that most of you block ads. And we understand! But getting 0.000582192 cents per view isn’t cutting it, and although we won’t beg, we will strongly encourage you to use the methods (Buy Me A Coffee, and/or Donorbox, currently) found all over the site. We would honestly like nothing better than to spend each day creating new content for you, so won’t you please help make our dream of perpetually sitting and typing become a reality? Thank you. –MG
No, what actually matters is the ‘popular vote’, which is why the United States has NEVER, not even once, elected a President that way, EVER! And Trump is SO unpopular that he is leading that by 5,091,811 votes there…so suck on that, bitches.
Jokes aside, Trump would have done this to Usurper in Thief (aka ‘Resident’) Joe Biden too. You can partially thank non-White patriots for this result, as 15% of blacks, 40% of hispanics and 39% of other non-White races voted for Trump, which are all higher than Republicans running for POTUS normally get. And to those folks we say, welcome home!
There is other good news for America too. Republicans have won the U.S. Senate, as with 7 seats left to be decided in the 100 seat chamber, they had already won 51 and lead in 5 others (2 by slim margins).
Also, with 70 U.S. House seats left to be decided (out of 435), Republicans need just 25 to control that chamber. Plus, we also still control 27 of 50 state Governor seats.
Now, if we can just keep the RINO’s from fucking things up like they did in 2017 when they blocked the MAGA agenda in the House, then Paul Ryan handed the House over to Nancy Pelosi (she of the perverted husband) by running an intentionally bad campaign!
To save America, we in MAGA (Make America Great Again) need to adopt the Cobra Kai motto: Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.
That is NOT a call to violence! We start by prosecuting all those involved in the 2020 election theft AND in the cover-up of same, then move on to the vetting, hiring and training of actual Americans to locate and remove illegal aliens from the USA.
Oh, and we finish the border wall. Combined, those would be the greatest job creation program in history. Make it so!
And to Drat Smudge of the Smudge Abort…we are enjoying every bit of your mental pain you twisted evil piece of leftist shit.
'confused', by unknown, found online. We guess the doctor is confused because they are anti 'the trans'.
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This afternoon, Sunday, July 21, 2024, to the surprise of everyone who had been saying he wouldn’t do it…and ONLY to them…, Joe Biden (and his body double) announced he (they) will not run for his (their) first term as U.S. President, after successfully stealing the 2020 election from Donald Trump (yes, they did), who is now seeking his 3rd term (second served).
President Trump was leading on the evening of Tuesday, November 3, 2020, when the DC Uniparty (aka original DCU, made up of democRATs and RINOs; Republicans In Name Only) realized they were going to lose and stopped counting in states, counties, cities and districts that they controlled. Then, magically, when they restarted counting hours to days later, Trump was suddenly losing. Ditto MAGA candidates for U.S. Senate (one was John James in Michigan), U.S. House, and others too.
Just four years earlier, on Tuesday, November 8, 2016, they tried to prevent Trump from becoming President by delaying the announcement of election results in Pennsylvania. Then after 90 minutes or so, when they couldn’t figure out how to steal it and with even the New York Times election website showing fewer votes to count than Trump was leading Hillary Clinton by, they finally declared him the winner of PA, and therefore the Presidency.
Fast-forward to 2020 and, thanks to communist Chinese ‘the covid’ and the newly invented ‘mail-in ballots’ (where they just sent them to every address, including vacant lots, and to everyone, including dead people and illegal aliens), rather than ‘absentee voting’, that requires a request, proper ID (including date or birth, last 4 of SS#, and a signature which is verified upon receipt at the Board of Elections), and a chain on custody, PLUS electronic voting machine fraud, the election was quite easy to steal.
Effectively, the alt-far-left-communist-democRATs got their assassination after all, only 8 days late. It just ended up being the Joe Biden presidential candidacy instead of his opponent.
Hey! If we’ve given you a giggle, or you’ve learned something you didn’t know, or you just want some cool talking points that you can use to torment that jackhole relative who ‘refuses to discuss politics’ but then leaves your TV on CNN when they depart, please consider donating. As much as we would like to say that the site pays for itself via ad money, the truth is that most of you block ads. And we understand! But getting 0.000582192 cents per view isn’t cutting it, and although we won’t beg, we will strongly encourage you to use the methods (Buy Me A Coffee, and/or Donorbox, currently) found all over the site. We would honestly like nothing better than to spend each day creating new content for you, so won’t you please help make our dream of perpetually sitting and typing become a reality? Thank you. –MG
Thomas Matthew Crooks, a full-fledged adult at age 20 despite what some others are claiming, was the one with the gun, but let’s not pretend he was the mastermind behind trying to kill President Trump on July 13, 2024, in Butler, Pennsylvania, at a MAGA (Make America Great Again) rally after their lawfare attempts to get rid of him failed. The DCU may want to sweep Crooks and the entire event under the rug via rigged ‘investigations’, but we won’t let them.
In another blow against democracy[SIC], which is actually two wolves and a sheep voting on what is for lunch, as opposed to our Republic (where sheep have 2A rights), with the democRAT Primary having ended June 8, 2024, with Joe Biden being the winner, the so-called elite will now introduce the illusion of a modified selection process and then select the democRAT candidate.
democRATs really are the least ‘democRATic’ party ever.
This is all a result of Barack Obama grabbing control of the democRAT party from the Clinton’s in 2008 and never letting go, ever. He was even the first president to leave office and purchase a home in the Washington, DC, area. He then installed Biden to continue his own planned destruction of the United States by orchestrating the 2020 election theft, and now he has decided it was time for Joe to go.
Some supporters are trying to shift to the cackling shrew Kamala ‘heels up’ Harris, who in 2020 stole the Vice Presidency (yes, she did). But others are scrambling to join the race, and the first of those is current U.S. Senator Joe Manchin (D is for dip-shit, West Virginia), but he won’t be the last.
The bottom line is that leftists will do anything to stop the MAGA movement and to take out the founder and current leader, President Donald Trump, and complete their destruction of the USA. We can’t let them do that either.
Parler is likely gone for good as of April 14, 2023. Twitter account abandoned May 12, 2023, after Elon Musk hired WEF’er Linda Yaccarino as new CEO.
NOTE: We post new content regularly, and have a Comment section here in the shed (below every article), so please use it and help build the Reality community. If you enjoy our work please consider supporting Reality by using the “DonorBox” donation link, or the ‘Buy Me a Coffee‘ donation link…or both. Either way please bookmark us and help spread the word to family and friends. Thank you.
'Got caught in the act', by Cookieslayer, via memedroid.com. Bird porn is a growing problem, it just doesn't show since most male bird types don't have a penis. The female stands still while leaning forward and making cooing noises, and since the female has no vagina (they both have a Cloaca, or Vent), the male stands on her back and tries to line up their two Vents, much like human lesbians just without the scissoring. Also, female birds have very strong backs!
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Sometimes, this stuff really does write itself. The left are now vacillating between glee over their own actions, expressing regret over the fact that they didn’t succeed, and also trying to pin their attempt on us, even via memes.
Just as we predicted too, oh when was that again…wow it was way back on Saturday when we wrote it and Sunday morning when we published it and started working on this one.
Staunch-alt-far-left-communist-democRAT-groomer-extremist-grifter-indoctrinating-gaslighting-Alinskyite-fringe-election-theft-denying-globalist-stochastic-terrorist-hate-speecher-election-stealing-gun-grabbing-sun-deniers and the existential threat America faces today, are taking turns:
1) celebrating their attempted assassination of President Donald Trump, soon to be known as ’92’ (45 + 47), just 2 days before the Republican National Convention started in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 2) being bummed out that they failed to kill him. 3) trying to claim that the shooter was one of us, which to them makes us responsible for their actions.
Let’s take the last one first, just to be semi-confusing. The claim is that Thomas Matthew Crooks, a grown man of 20, was both a registered Republican and a Nazi.
There is a picture of him wearing a ‘Demolitia’ t-shirt from the ‘Demolition Ranch’ channel on YouTube, and some on the left are claiming it is an indication Crooks is a Nazi, AND that this proves he is one of us (despite us not being Nazis).
As we have explained before, the view that the political spectrum goes from (L-R) communist to democRAT to so-called moderate (actually just unwilling to make a decision), then Republican followed by Nazi is a myth (not a mister).
Nazi is an abbreviation of National Socialist, and ALL socialists are left wing, PERIOD!
The only difference between a National Socialist and a Communist (aka Global Socialists) is the scope of their leftism (National vs Global). Those same two groups fought each other over Germany about 100 years ago, with the Nazis ‘winning’, and the rest is history (not her story).
So the actual political spectrum (this time R-L), is MAGA Conservative, Conservative, conservative (lower case c), Republican, RINO (Republican In Name Only), so-called moderate (seriously, get off the fence!), old-school blue dog Democrat (there might be one left somewhere), democRATs, socialists (including the national socialist aka Nazi kind), then communists, followed by dead communists (and the more of those, the better off we all are).
What does indicate some level of derangement is paying $37.45 for that t-shirt.
We don’t believe ‘Demolition Ranch’, which we had never heard of until now, is Nazi, but even if they were and even if Crooks was, it would just make them leftists, which disproves the leftist attempt to conflate us with them.
One mental midget on Reddit (perhaps the most leftist jerkle-circ on the interwebs) said “So I’m Guessing Trump wasn’t enough of a nazi for him?”, with a reply of “Thats my guess”, and a reply to that of “In 2021 he [Crooks. –MG] was registered as a Republican. He voted in the fall of 2022 for the last time.”
And with that we move to the second part of that last one of 3 things, which is the left claiming to have found Crooks’ voter registration which lists him as a Republican.
Hey! If we’ve given you a giggle, or you’ve learned something you didn’t know, or you just want some cool talking points that you can use to torment that jackhole relative who ‘refuses to discuss politics’ but then leaves your TV on CNN when they depart, please consider donating. As much as we would like to say that the site pays for itself via ad money, the truth is that most of you block ads. And we understand! But getting 0.000582192 cents per view isn’t cutting it, and although we won’t beg, we will strongly encourage you to use the methods (Buy Me A Coffee, and/or Donorbox, currently) found all over the site. We would honestly like nothing better than to spend each day creating new content for you, so won’t you please help make our dream of perpetually sitting and typing become a reality? Thank you. –MG
It isn’t as if certain states, thanks to the democRAT-RINO (Republican In Name Only, aka not actual Republicans) alliance, don’t allow democRATs to register as Republicans so they can fuck with Republican Primary results by choosing candidates for us.
Listen, we could go tomorrow (we’d do it today, but it is Sunday, and they are closed) and change our voter registration to democRAT, but that would never EVER make us an actual democRAT, because we would never EVER vote for communists or push communism. And that is lost on those 3 pole-smokers on Reddit.
[See, we told you we started this Sunday. We left that because rewriting it would be brutal. –MG]
Also, those documents, as well as pictures and now video (thanks to ‘deep fake’ technology) can be manipulated. We’ve seen video clips of actors in movies they weren’t in, complete with their real voice!
To further prove being a registered Republican means nothing, we have two words for you: Paul Ryan.
And we also have another two words for you: Mitch McConnell.
Plus, there is that old saying, “Actions speak louder than words.”, which in this case translates to an assassination attempt that…here it comes…wait for it…Morrisonesque ‘pregnant pause’ ending now…trumps a piece of paper (voter registration form). Or a picture.
So, when you hear someone discussing a “public-private partnership”, just realize that THAT is socialism.
Who did ‘not see’ that coming?
Since we don’t have anyplace else to stick it, when we mentioned the difference between a Republic (us) and a democracy[SIC] yesterday, we gave the recent UK election as an example, and we forgot to mention the recent French election.
Almost every election in France follows the same formula: the Right wins the first round, then the alt-far-left-communists always have a second round so they can join up to prevent the Right from saving France. And as an added bonus, they get a minority government (based on vote %), just like the UK has now!
The left know they fucked up, and just made it more likely Trump will win, but they are still giddy over their failed attempt, with lots of jokes about ‘just missing’, as well as lots of happiness that the attempt was finally made.
There is one more charge (#4) being leveled though, and honestly, we did think about it during the last article, but just like ‘using a sniper’, we figured the left would never go there. That allegation is that Trump set this all up for sympathy votes.
Here is one example, also from the most leftist place on earth (Reddit), the title of the comment being “AITAH to think it was a set up that Donald Trump was shot for sympathy vote?” and their illogical reasoning was “After watching the video, it seems like it was a way to get sympathy from voters. How far would he go to get votes?”
YES! Let that sink in. They think Trump let himself be shot, and allowed a person behind him to be murdered, somehow knowing he would survive AND that it would just be one death, and all to win an election.
The reason they think that is because THEY would do it if they were him!
What the left fails to understand, and we have to make certain they eventually ‘get it’, is that they have awoken the sleeping giant. By attempting to assassinate the founder and current leader of the MAGA movement, they will attract people to MAGA, which isn’t what they wanted, but it is what they got.
Parler is likely gone for good as of April 14, 2023. Twitter account abandoned May 12, 2023, after Elon Musk hired WEF’er Linda Yaccarino as new CEO.
NOTE: We post new content regularly, and have a Comment section here in the shed (below every article), so please use it and help build the Reality community. If you enjoy our work please consider supporting Reality by using the “DonorBox” donation link, or the ‘Buy Me a Coffee‘ donation link…or both. Either way please bookmark us and help spread the word to family and friends. Thank you.